SOME SHITTY FACTS ABOUT LEROY Leroy doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. If you can see Leroy, he can see you. If you can't see Leroy you may be only seconds away from death. Leroy never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Leroy is looking for it. Leroy does not sleep. He waits. Leroy's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Leroy will not take shit from anyone. When Leroy does division, there are no remainders. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Leroy. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Leroy has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Leroy can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When you play Monopoly with Leroy, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. When Leroy looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Leroy and Leroy. Leroy can hold his breathe for nine years. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Leroy pajamas. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Leroy out. It failed miserably. Leroy drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Leroy can drown a fish. Leroy has two speeds: Walk and Kill. When Leroy enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. Leroy was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. Leroy cannot predict the future; the future just better do what Leroy says. Leroy cannot love, he can only not kill. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Leroy. Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Leroy touches turns up dead. Leroy doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." Ghosts are actually caused by Leroy killing people faster than Death can process them. Leroy can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds. If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Leroy hears it. Leroy can hear everything. Leroy can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. Once a cobra bit Leroy's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Leroy while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Leroy. The only time Leroy was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. more trues here [link] |






























